There is this stigma with a self-help book, that they are lame. Well, I won't argue, but when something is backed by science better listen to it.
“If you want better results, then forget about setting goals. Focus on your system instead”.It’s the atomic little things you do every day that matter.
What is a habit?
A routine of behaviour that is repeated regularly and tends to occur subconsciously. Most habits follow the 4 stage process in the brain.
WhatsApp notification -> Need to read msg -> Opens App -> Satisfaction
Bored/Stressed->Need to find a solution -> lights up cigar ->Nicotine hit
Lunchtime -> Hunger craves -> Eat -> Tummy full and satisfied
Most of our daily actions are habits, repeated over and over. To build a good habit we need to make small changes in our daily life.
Don't make goals, Have system and Process
Goal: to be healthy and build muscles (maybe even 6 packs)
System: Eat healthily and exercise regularly.
Goal: Get 90% in upcoming exams
System: Understand the concepts and complete a certain portion of the chapter on a regular basis.
Goals are good for having a direction but to have progress, one needs systems and process.
Habit as identity
When you have repeated a story to yourself for years, it is easy to slide into these mental grooves and accept them as a fact.
You are what you think you are!
Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.
You are what you repeatedly do. Follow the two simple steps to start a change.
- Decide the type of person you want to be.
- Prove it to yourself with small wins.
- True behaviour change is identity change.
- The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader.
- Your identity emerges out of your habits.
- Each time you read a page, you are a reader.
THE FOUR LAWS OF BEHAVIOR CHANGE
Environment effects more than any will power or motivation. Focus more on the environment to grow than plans.
What to get better in coding? join the coding community, follow who are best in it via Instagram, youtube etc. Connect with them.
Today’s world our environment is extended to the online world. Your Instagram, Youtube..etc
Show me your youtube suggestion and I can tell you what kinda habits your forming lately.
If you want to be more informed or want to get good in a particular skill. Stop following the stupid celebrity accounts or the funny cat video and memes. Follow useful content and people you aspire to be. Feed yourself informative content.
How to Create a Good Habit
- The 1st law (Cue): Make it obvious.
Planning on work out? take out the shoes and gym dress next to the bed.
Want to read more? Keep the book right where u see it every day.
- The 2nd law (Craving): Make it attractive.
Link something you already like with going to the gym, have a partner so you get forced to go.
- The 3rd law (Response): Make it easy.
Make it easy to take that action. Even the smallest changes count, join the nearest gym, you will have resistance if you're going to have to travel long just to reach the gym.
- The 4th law (Reward): Make it satisfying.
Give yourself small rewards repeatedly for doing the good action.
How to Break a Bad Habit
- Inversion of the 1st law (Cue): Make it invisible.
Reduce social media? Turn off notifications, remove apps from homepage.
- Inversion of the 2nd law (Craving): Make it unattractive.
- Inversion of the 3rd law (Response): Make it difficult.
Have an app lock with very long password (remove face/ fingerprint unlock. Make it difficult to open an app.
- Inversion of the 4th law (Reward): Make it unsatisfying.
The Secret to Self-Control?
Avoid temptations that trigger bad habits. This is the only way to break bad habits. Need to stop eating junk? Stop buying them in the first place.
Need to stop nail biting? Don’t have a nail, cut them regularly with a nail cutter.
The Goldilocks Rule: How to Stay Motivated in Life and Work
- Humans experience peak motivation when working on tasks right on the edge of their current abilities (roughly 4% beyond your current capabilities).
- Aim for a flow state — the experience of being in the zone and fully immersed in an activity.
Let’s assume you are avg chess player if you play with a 10-year-old kid with little knowledge of chess you will get easily bored with winning so easy.
On the other hand, if you play with chess champion again you will get bored of losing.
The best person to play with is one in the same level or slightly above your level of the game. Where if you focus you win else you lose.
The Goldilocks Rule states that humans experience peak motivation when working on tasks that are right on the edge of their current abilities. Not too hard. Not too easy.
If you want to stay motivated for good, then start with a challenge that is just manageable, measure your progress and repeat the process.
Success is not a goal to reach or a finish line to cross. It is a system to improve, an endless process to refine.